I Choose My Peace

September 18, 2016October 16, 2016Leave a comment

garden of peace If I had a choice between $1 million and my peace, I’d choose my peace. First off, $1 million isn’t a lot of money once Uncle Sam gets his cut. Secondly, peace can stay with me for the duration of my life; if you don’t make money work for you, then eventually it runs out. I don’t ever want to be in a place where I no longer have my peace. That tranquility. That stillness. That unshakable love for who I am and where I am (and even where I’m not). Those are all things that money can’t buy, keep you happy, or plugged into the miracles of life. I look for peace in everything. And with age I’ve learned how critical it is to make a concerted effort to be peace, give peace, and accept that peace isn’t always going to look like you have the upper hand.

To be peace means that you choose to approach each day with gratefulness and an expectant heart for that which is good. Every minute of every hour is not going to be something to write home about. The volatile details that make up our lives can be challenging, annoying, and unnerving. But, allowing those things to alter your attitude and drain the delight from your character will not change the story. You have to be intentional about maintaining the energy that makes you bright, bold, and bountiful in your love for the delicate tapestry of your being.

To give peace means that you choose your battles. I can think of more than a few things and offenses in my life that didn’t warrant a response or reaction, but I gave one. And what exactly did that do besides cause a volcanic eruption of emotions between all parties involved? I’d venture to say…nothing. Sometimes it’s best to let things pass right on by. And it’s not because you don’t have valid points, but because making those points is going to infringe on the harmony you need to be a better human. In that moment, there’s so many more things of importance.

To accept that peace isn’t going to always look like the odds are in your favor means that you understand everyone you encounter is walking a path that you don’t know much if anything about. Living ain’t easy, and all of us govern our lives according to our personal experiences. The fact that we process and internalize differently can sometimes lead to rifts in relationships because we all want to be understood. But, typically no one understands why we are who we are until the dust settles. Frankly, some people have a little more living to do before they know what it means to give peace. You have to be attuned to the concept of loving people where they are to tap into the peace of what it means to win the war instead of exhausting all of you on the battle. A lot about life isn’t about you, and 99% of the time people know when they’re wrong. So, when you have to be the mirror, be patient enough for people to see their reflection. Accept that you haven’t lost anything or been forgotten. You’re really a lifeline for someone who probably hasn’t had the courage to divulge and embrace they’re imperfections.

A life without peace is a life without joy. And if you don’t have joy, then you simply don’t have life. So, as long as I’m here, I choose peace because with that there are mountains I can climb, roads I can travel, seeds I can plant, and no limit to the skies that I can touch.

Monday’s Mantra: Show Up for You!

August 29, 2016November 17, 2016Leave a comment

It’s about time some of us learned how to be selfish. I know that’s prohibited and doesn’t sound all that compassionate or “churchy,” but that’s because it’s not meant to be either one of those things. Women, in particular, don’t spend enough time loving who they are and celebrating what they do. Instead we’re out here stressing ourselves to the max trying to

make our homes look like something from HGTV,

cook meals to satisfy a few picky palates,

refrain from being seen as “that employee” in the board room who goes against the status quo because you have a few non-conventional ideas,

make our selfies look like we’re having the time of our lives every weekend

and find the right outfit for a date with a stranger we’ve somehow been convinced we absolutely must impress because the holidays are coming and our eggs are vanishing one by one.

Well, that’s all fine and good until you recognize that you’re doing all of that for other people, and you’re basically a non-factor in the equation.

This week I challenge you to show up for y-o-u! It’s not a bad thing for you to want to do something for yourself…to say no because you don’t feel like it…to spend your lunch break actually taking a break…to leave people behind who choose to act oblivious of your feelings…to confront who and what is giving you pause…to believe for a dream that’s so big that you have to chuckle…to let him figure out how you manage to make dinner, monitor homework, and pack lunches simultaneously (that’s what I call bad-assery!..he has no idea)…to take yourself out for dinner and pinot because you know you’re not desperate…to go outside and let out a scream because life is hard…to get in the car and just ride with no particular destination simply because you want to enjoy the scenery…to stop apologizing for how you feel…to present your business idea to the investors…to soak up every moment for what it is and continue handling life like a boss. Every day you have to live with you. If you don’t ever invest anything into understanding what helps you to be great, everything you do, attract, and care for will be below average. So, yes, do for others, but do for you too!

Grown Woman

July 24, 2016August 29, 2016Leave a comment

Something happens when you hit 30. It’s like you’ve spent the first two decades of your life with the lid on who you are because 1) you’re too busy trying to figure out exactly how to find yourself and 2) because planning your adventures with your friends seems more appealing than spending the night dissecting your psyche. But, then 30 comes a’knockin’ and the lid is pulled back ever so slightly and suddenly you get a wift of wisdom and truth of where you are and who you’re shaping up to be. Here’s what I know happens after the crossover…

You stop wasting time. In your 20s, you think you have forever. Why? I can’t even begin to tell you. Then, you realize that just like credit cards, there is a limit. You start getting ish done so when you’re 40 you’ll look back and see your footprints.

You are okay with spending days (and nights too) alone doing absolutely nothing. After you’ve exerted a considerable amount of energy trying to save corporate America or resolving vendor issues for your business, you really just want to sit on the couch with a glass of wine and a bowl of spaghetti (make that organic…perhaps spaghetti squash for the homemaker in you).

You tell people how you really feel, especially those you love, because your brain no longer has the space for sugar-coated and censored thoughts to reside. IRAs, mortgages, gowns, and Gerber have now made a home there.

You stop putting up with the bull. I think a large part of the reason why we choose to deal with drama is because we think it’s normal to take on someone else’s problems as our own. It’s one thing to be there for someone, but it’s another thing to perpetuate lies, excuses, and immaturity because folks don’t want to deal with their stuff. You are not a dump. Stop taking trash.

You find out who your real friends are. So many milestones can happen in your late 20s and early 30s, and everyone you thought would be there for the downs and even the ups will fade into black. But, not to worry, you now know that one element to happiness is quality over quantity. The smaller the circle, the easier it is to “live for the nights with the people you won’t forget!” Shout out to Drizzy.

You learn how to enjoy yourself. We are our own worst critics and rarely do we cut ourselves a break. It’s okay to dance like no one is watching and do what YOU want to do! You only get to do this life thing one time. Eat the pizza. Take the trip. Tell him you love him. Just be happy!

You discover your body’s fragility. You understand that if you don’t take care of yourself physically and mentally, things will start to break and you’ll need more than an herbal detox and meditation to fix it.

You have now assessed the number of times you’ve been extended grace and you clearly see that all of life ain’t about you! You’re the key to a blessing. You’ve messed up (a lot!), but you’ve been cleaned up, packaged up, and set up for a larger path to greatness that others will travel. At some point, you truly accept that God loves you enough to forgive you and He’s just waiting for you to forgive yourself.

You recognize that it’s okay to be less than impressed with yourself sometimes because let’s face it, we’re all liable to be human at some moment. But, it’s never okay to reduce any part of your character to fit into a job, relationship, or “situationship.” Everything and everyone is not for you, and whatever is for you, you won’t have to force.

You unearth a bit more patience for yourself and others. You know perfection to be a lie and convenience to be a privilege. No one is always right and sometimes you just have to wait on everything – from fast food to apologies.

As the song says, I do sit and wish I was a kid again sometimes. And I don’t know that I truly believed people when they said your 30s will be different. But, thankfully I survived the first year of what I hope will continue to be my most productive, stress free, and personal years of slayage.

Change the Game

July 18, 2016September 25, 2018Leave a comment

I’m always amazed when I’m sitting somewhere alone minding my business and I have an epiphany about the significance of relationships. It’s true that not everyone you encounter along your journey will be there until the end, but do know that every person is playing a role in who you will become. My most recent aha moment related to a relationship came as I was traveling across the country on another work assignment. I find that God likes to speak to me on airplanes. He clearly knows I have nowhere to go except to the front or back of the aircraft to the closet-sized restroom. So, while He has me on the Boeing, our connection is flowing! *sometimes I rhyme, lol*

I decided to take advantage of the in-flight entertainment and came across an all-star interview with Kobe Bryant. Now, I’ve never been too much of a sports enthusiast, but basketball and all its details is the one sport that intrigues me and gets me off the couch yelling incessantly at the screen. Because they can hear me, right? Ahmad Rashad went through the interview with the Lakers superstar asking him questions about the highs and lows of his career, his love for the game, and how he leveraged the differences in his personality and his teammates to lead them to championships. Toward the end of the interview, Kobe explained that one of the things that helped him to be a good leader is to be okay with being uncomfortable about his teammates not seeing the best in themselves but still pushing them anyway. He further explained that if you’re not okay with being uncomfortable, then you’ll go up against a team with a leader who is, and you’ll lose. In that instant, it clicked. I think I rewinded that clip at least twice to hear him say that again.

I realized in that moment that was the one thing a close friend and once upon a time sweetheart had been trying to get through to me during all the time we shared life together. I can’t recall how many times I would mope, vent, and complain to him about how I felt like no one ever listened to me, how I felt alone, how it seemed like my friendships were fading, or how sometimes I just didn’t feel like being the one to initiate, organize, and push the envelope. And every time without fail he would give me a kind, witty, and stern response that would leave me feeling like it was okay to feel that way, but I’ve been entrusted with certain characteristics to go the extra mile and get out in front because I was born to lead. It almost seemed as though he was asking me if I was going to take the torch or let opportunities burn because the people I wanted to believe just weren’t getting it and/or what I had to say was the least of their concerns. Talk about frustrating.

A 10-second perspective in this 48-minute video connected all the dots for me about this part of our relationship and further made me realize how God can use people to teach us about our individual characteristics. I’m sure he wouldn’t be excited to know that there were times when he was engrossed in one of his tough talks with me, that I let it go in one ear and out the other. Sorry! But, I get it. And I’m grateful for the confirmation not only about the intricacies of leadership and what it means for those who God will place in my care to be there for me in that capacity, but more importantly who He places in my path to embrace who I am, what I have to offer, and how I’m meant to change the game just as the seasoned and developing basketball superstars have done one play at a time.

Weakening My Worry

June 6, 2016April 9, 2019Leave a comment

True life: I am a habitual worrier.

As much as I attempt to capture and check every thought, many become a part of the whirling sea of guilt and defeat that moves about in my head. I find myself taking these thoughts to the extreme and dwelling in that place as if that’s where I belong, mainly because of my own choices that I wish I had handled differently. But, I recently read something that arrested the worry. It was as if God jumped right in my face like umm..do you not know I have the power? Have I not shown you that even with your mess, my record is good? Like really…who am I to give a thought so much of my energy that it consumes the brain space I could be using to craft new ideas or penning words to inspire generations? I suspect God may have taken my obsessive worrying as an insult. BUT (because God is the Master of conjunct solutions, or in other words, moving mountains on our behalf), He cared enough to use that one sentence I stumbled across as I perused an online article to remind me of Who I say I trust.

Trusting means there’s no room for worry. Because to worry diminishes power. And God isn’t about to let me (or you) get punked by a thought! God is so much bigger, and the sooner we stop boxing Him in, the sooner we can see how gracious He truly is. In no way am I implying that an extension of grace gives us permission to purposely make careless choices. But, asking for help in all of life’s circumstances seems slightly less burdensome when the One you’re approaching doesn’t expect perfection and is still willing to give you an overabundance of grace and mercy. There aren’t enough words to express the significance of that very fact! It’s major! I don’t think there are enough hours in a day to ponder on that goodness. And for that reason alone, my worry is weakened.

Monday’s Mantra: Save the Sulks

March 29, 2016April 12, 2016Leave a comment

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Even though I don’t come close to being a morning person, I do my best every day to go forth, do great, and forget about my bed that doesn’t seem to want to let me go. My morning routine was business as usual until I realized that one of my favorite pieces of jewelry was missing! *insert music to signal impending doom* Now, I’m very much an analytic, neat freak who makes it a point to put all of my things in the place I’ve designated as their home. So, I knew that if one piece of the jewelry I wear just about every day was in its place, then this particular ring should’ve been there too. That was the rationale I had declared in my mind, but of course that wasn’t reality since I found myself looking all over my room and checking purses and cracks where it couldn’t have possibly been. I had to look anyway.

During this intense 5-10 minute searching spree, my thoughts began to shift to all things negative. Maybe I left it at Lather where I was trying a bunch of skin care options over the weekend (btw…they have great soaps!). Maybe it has been missing a day longer than I actually thought and I’m now noticing. Is it in the vacuum cleaner? Great, it fell out of my car on the ground and it’s now being kissed by oodles of rotating tires. I think I had about 20 thoughts go by in a matter of 30 seconds, all of which were negative. Clearly, I did not awaken with any inkling of victory. While I was grateful to see another day, my actions embodied defeat. I decided that wasn’t conducive to a productive week, so I took all of those thoughts captive and re-focused my energy on my devotional. Plus, I didn’t have anymore time to look up, down, and all around my room with a full day of work ahead of me. My devotional this morning was from Exodus 16 when God gives the children of Israel manna and quail even after their complaints about not having any food. Yikes! Not even a few minutes before I had started reading I was distraught and grumbling about what I had lost too. I’m always amazed how even in this day blessings will come despite our complaints and protests. I felt like that was the perfect message to start my week even after losing my jewelry.

As I was getting ready to leave the house, I decided to check my jewelry box one more time. You’d never believe what I found in one of the small corners that I had looked previously even though I don’t ever put this particular ring there. Sitting right there in that spot was…my ring!!! *insert sigh of relief* I had spent part of my morning being a sourpuss and yet I had overlooked what was right in front of me. *covers face* Ultimately, I’m glad I found my ring, but more importantly, I’m encouraged by my effort to quiet the negativity that is always more of a distraction than it is help to what’s happening in life. Sometimes you have to redirect your energy in order to produce an optimal result. So, whether you’ve misplaced something or you’re struggling to make it over the hump, I urge you to quiet your pessimism. Only then will you begin to find what you’re looking for. Solutions, and I guess rings, tend to hide in unlikely, yet promising places.

Monday’s Mantra: Remember When

March 21, 2016March 29, 2016Leave a comment

It’s amazing how quickly time passes. Can you believe we’re less than 20 days away from the 100^th day of 2016! Over the weekend, I found myself thinking about all that I’ve accomplished so far this year and the many opportunities I’ve had in my short life span. I try to make it a point to do some type of reflection on a regular basis as a way to be reminded and grateful for my blessings. I guess you can say it’s my mental exercise for cataloging my gratitude. Some people choose to make this a written exercise, which I do too. Regardless of your preference, just the act of recalling has a way of helping you plant more seeds of confidence and expectancy for greater.

This weekend’s reflective moments brought me back to the time I was selected to attend the first young adult conference at The Potter’s House about a year and a half ago. I was volunteering as a team leader for the young adult ministry at my church at the time and received a call from one of the ministry leaders inquiring about my interest. The Potter’s House is the mega church in Dallas, TX led by the world renowned Bishop T.D. Jakes. Thousands of people from all walks of life attend this church every week in-person and online. Of course people have their opinions about mega churches, their pastors, clergy lifestyle, etc., but my comments on that are too lengthy for this post. But, I can say from firsthand experience that a church is only “mega” when you sit on the sidelines (again, another post for another day). Although I had heard Bishop Jakes speak on several occasions at my home church, I never thought I’d have the opportunity to hear him speak in his house. I mean Texas is cool, but I don’t get there often.

My trip to this conference turned out to be insightful, engaging, and fun! There were young adults there from countries I may not even get to in my lifetime! From a structural standpoint, the church itself was massive and indeed situated in what seems like the middle of nowhere (I wore flats just about every day)! I met a member of the Planetshakers (the Australian band most known for their song “The Anthem” – a very popular praise and worship song in churches all over the world), acquired good study material, and was able to sit in a front section seat for Sunday service. For anyone who has never attended a service at a mega church, that’s prime real estate! Now, whenever I see The Potter’s House or any of the Jakes’ family on TV programming, I think of that trip and how little ol’ me had a chance to experience all of that. And the best part…it was at no expense to me at all. *insert happy dance*

I can recall so many other moments in my life like this when I’ve had the ability to do things, go to places, and connect with people from other continents. It’s important that we remember where we’ve been and how we may have landed there, particularly as the young adult years begin to pass us by. We need those “remember when” moments for a few reasons: 1) for encouragement as we usher in new phases 2) as the spark that may facilitate a much needed laugh, and/or 3) perhaps as a reminder that all of us can be used to do anything. There may be things, people, and places we all want to be part of our story, but I think it’s imperative that we embrace where we’ve been in order to see the bountiful beauty in blessings big and small.