Monday’s Mantra: Give Yourself Some Grace

A broken printer inspired this post.  I was grabbing papers from another printer that actually had toner available to create my pages when it occurred to me that I’ve repeated the same phrase in multiple conversations over the past week.  As I’ve listened to stories from close friends and acquaintances or been asked to give my opinion on a few things, my parting words were the same…”Give yourself some grace.”

For much of our days, we’re battling against ourselves.

We try something new.  We question it.

We put action behind our idea.  We doubt it and whether what we’ve produced is worthy of recognition.  

We use our voice in a space outside of our comfort zone.  We think our contribution isn’t valuable.

We achieve goals that we’ve set.  We fear that we’ve still missed the mark.

We never honor the energy we use to prepare, produce, and present the skill or gift we’ve been given.  This is negative self-talk, and it inhibits the ability to operate from a place of confidence, love, and power.  While life may constantly feel like a race, it’s not.  I can’t even dress that up, because it’s a fact that doesn’t deserve a few extra minutes of my time scrolling through an online thesaurus to make it sound eloquent.  We’re not here to race each other to the top (because really the “top” is subjective and doesn’t even look the same for everyone), and we shouldn’t go to war with ourselves every time we attempt to do what represents who we are.  So, when I say “give yourself some grace,” I mean:

Release the thought that your work has to be perfect for someone to care or enjoy it.  If you gave it your best and showed up authentically for the task, anything you think is an error will probably go unnoticed.  And besides, we’re all entitled to a mistake.  Get it out there, and fix it next time.

Recognize that conflict is part of life and you won’t agree with everyone on everything. Have the dialogue, respect the differences, and don’t feel guilty about your stance.  The keys to resolution are respect and communication.  We can all learn from each other and expand our isolated views.

When someone or something is draining you, be okay with walking away to protect your peace.  This doesn’t make you a bad person.  It actually makes you smart, because you’ve demonstrated self-awareness by establishing personal boundaries.

Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments.  It’s easy to feel like you haven’t done enough when you’re comparing.  The reflective part is whether you pursued and achieved these things for yourself or the approval of people who weren’t going to clap for you anyway.  Clap for yourself!  There are many people who could only dream of having some of your opportunities.  Don’t discount where you’ve come from by getting so focused on doing more that you question whether you’ve done anything at all.  I’m sorry, but that certificate, that community event, that home you wanted, that promotion, that (insert achievement here) is something!

The moral of the story is that the next time your thoughts are teetering on the ledge of crudeness and compassion, choose to give yourself some grace!

 

Monday’s Mantra: Do More Little Things

IMG_5965Two years ago, I became an independent jewelry designer for a company that’s built on doing more of what you love with the people you love.  As a charms based company, there’s an extensive selection of charms that represent family, hobbies, seasons, sports, and much more.  But, my favorite charms in the collection are the engravables, because they can be customized with dates, initials, names, and quotes.  These are particularly appealing to me, because they’ve given me the opportunity to wear my values on my wrist.  Each time I look down I can be reminded of what I believe and stand for.

My most prized engravable is my hematite geo bar that reads, “little things.”  If you’ve been following my posts over the years, you probably know that I base my life on the little things.  For me, the small gestures of kindness toward myself, my presence for the celebratory and even non-celebratory moments for loved ones and friends, and the thoughtful gifts that I curate or purchase is what brings me the most happiness.  I try to be intentional about the way I care for myself and those in my life by not being consumed with flashiness.  Instead I purposely choose to invest my time, energy, and being into what makes my soul smile.  Some days that might mean that I stand outside and listen to the whistle of the wind, go to the library to see if my knowledge of Dewey Decimal System is up to par (yes, I know what that is!), or randomly mail a card to someone letting them know I’m proud of what they’re doing.  I do this because I’ve recognized that it’s the small things that we often take for granted that bring delight to our days and a boost to who we are as human beings.  When we remove our focus from the little things it’s easier to become overwhelmed, overworked, and overly consumed by materialistic or shallow things and feelings.  That instantly robs us of the ability to appreciate our blessings and privileges.

If I could give one piece of life advice, I’d say do more of the little things.  That could come in the form of saying “no” when you know you’re not really committed, finally booking the plane ticket for the vacation you’ve never taken because you don’t want to get behind, not feeling guilty for leaving work on time so you can grab dinner with friends, devoting a portion of your day to pursuing your passions, calling the family member you haven’t heard from in a while, or eating the slice of cheesecake because you want to celebrate an accomplishment.  The truth is that all of those little things will be the peace that you’ve likely searched for in other places.  Everything we do doesn’t have to be big, bold, and witnessed by the masses.  But, everything we do should be a collective representation of every little thing that makes us stress less and cherish more of what we love while we’re here.

Monday’s Mantra: Don’t Take It Personal

I think I deserve a pat on the back for growth.  Rarely do I ever toot my own horn about anything, but nowadays I have to celebrate the fact that I’ve made some strides in a rewarding direction.  There used to be a time when I would take everything personally.  The weight of a conflict, letdown, or confrontation was a burden that I believed had everything to do with me and how I may have initiated or reacted to the disturbance.  I often proceeded to carry the blame for things that I should’ve let fall away like the leaves from a tree on a brisk autumn day (is it just me or did this season waltz in quickly like it’s ready to put on a show stopping performance?).  While I may not have held any grudges toward the parties involved, I allowed myself to be far too consumed with the ways in which things had escalated and why someone could be so discourteous with little regard for my feelings.     I think one of the reasons why I’m not too fond of merry-go-rounds is because I had one that was constantly spinning in my head.  I’d go round and round with myself only to feel irritable and drained once I decided the ride in my brain was closed for the day.

It only took a few years for me to learn that a surefire way to exhaust your peace is to walk around being angry and offended.  I’ve lived long enough to know that there will be people in life who will do and say things that will make you scratch your head or want to let out a few expletives (again, God is not finished with me yet!).  There will be words that sting and actions that hurt.  But, you can’t take it personally.  The truth is that most of the time people’s responses have nothing to do with you.  This is why you’ll find yourself in situations with people where the apology or discussion you want will never come.  You’ll be told a lie before they realize you would’ve respected them more with the truth, and you may even have to settle with being wrong when all the evidence says you’re right.  And guess what?  You can’t take it personally. People respond in life based on their individual experiences and perceptions.  Some responses will be favorable and some you’ll wish they had been counseled on before you crossed their path.  Either way it’s not something you can control since God works on all of us in different ways and at a different pace.  Why give energy to what you can’t control when it’s a battle you were never meant to fight?

I can assure you that the less you take personally, the more years you’ll add to your life.  So, stop being mad and start being mindful of what you allow to rest in your spirit.  Everything and everyone isn’t meant for you to handle.  And something tells me you weren’t meant to slay other people’s giants!

 

Monday’s Mantra: Show Up for You!

It’s about time some of us learned how to be selfish.  I know that’s prohibited and doesn’t sound all that compassionate or “churchy,” but that’s because it’s not meant to be either one of those things.  Women, in particular, don’t spend enough time loving who they are and celebrating what they do.  Instead we’re out here stressing ourselves to the max trying to

make our homes look like something from HGTV,

cook meals to satisfy a few picky palates,

refrain from being seen as “that employee” in the board room who goes against the status quo because you have a few non-conventional ideas,

make our selfies look like we’re having the time of our lives every weekend

and find the right outfit for a date with a stranger we’ve somehow been convinced we absolutely must impress because the holidays are coming and our eggs are vanishing one by one.

Well, that’s all fine and good until you recognize that you’re doing all of that for other people, and you’re basically a non-factor in the equation.

This week I challenge you to show up for y-o-u!  It’s not a bad thing for you to want to do something for yourself…to say no because you don’t feel like it…to spend your lunch break actually taking a break…to leave people behind who choose to act oblivious of your feelings…to confront who and what is giving you pause…to believe for a dream that’s so big that you have to chuckle…to let him figure out how you manage to make dinner, monitor homework, and pack lunches simultaneously (that’s what I call bad-assery!..he has no idea)…to take yourself out for dinner and pinot because you know you’re not desperate…to go outside and let out a scream because life is hard…to get in the car and just ride with no particular destination simply because you want to enjoy the scenery…to stop apologizing for how you feel…to present your business idea to the investors…to soak up every moment for what it is and continue handling life like a boss. Every day you have to live with you.  If you don’t ever invest anything into understanding what helps you to be great, everything you do, attract, and care for will be below average.  So, yes, do for others, but do for you too!

Monday’s Mantra: Live

It has been a while since I posted a mantra for the week, but hopefully you’re following my blog and have seen some of my recent posts on my Inspire page.  No days off here. 🙂  This week my encouragement is simple:

  1. Live – let your thoughts and actions be productive and good. It’s very easy to become budsdiscouraged or feel depleted when there’s so much going on around us every day.  But, like I’ve said on several occasions before, life is really short.  Get busy doing what brings you joy, shines some light on the somber places of your soul (and maybe that of others’ too), and what makes you feel like a kid again.  Adulthood is taxing and routine.  We forget that life is meant to be enjoyed.  And although I may not know what “living” means for you, I would guess that it’s something you haven’t been doing.  Don’t let the complexities of this life keep you from drawing near to the simplicity and priceless treasure of taking in all there is to your humanness.
  2. Lead – by now, you’ve probably realized that sometimes people will disappoint you.  If it hasn’t happened yet, just keep living!  Even if it takes everything you’ve got to respond in a way that doesn’t defame them or show your disdain, take the high road.  It might not make any sense now, but I promise in the long run it pays to be the compassionate and sensible example.  You’re probably the water needed to refresh, renew, and repurpose someone who has never fully seen what leading with love looks like.  Be the fountain.  Be the spring.  Be the reason new and better buds finally blossom.

Make it a great week, friends!

 

 

Monday’s Mantra: Show and Slay

Whew!  I just needed to let that out because the last few weeks have been nothing short of eventful!  I recently wrote about how I was about to be full steam ahead into my travel season that would take me to med schools and conferences across the country.  What I neglected to consider was all the other parts of life that happen in between, the programmatic fires that would have to be extinguished from time to time, and the riveting surprises that bring success with almost always a side of new responsibility.  But, no matter how consumed I am with all the details, I’m somehow invigorated by the challenge.  My continued excitement and energy has much to do with God and less to do with me, but I also attribute it to the fact that I’m right where I should be.  There was a time in my life where I was literally drained by boredom.  I didn’t feel like my gifts, abilities, or knowledge was being utilized effectively.  That was painful…like getting your body hair waxed for the first time painful (eek)!  I felt undervalued and stuck in many ways.  But, thankfully trouble doesn’t last always, and I can now say I’m moving, growing, and building in several arenas.

Last week as I was headed home from a trip, I found myself reciting a phrase that most of us probably know very well…”to whom much is given, much is required” (taken from Luke 12:48)  This came following a sleepless night that was spent reviewing a few dynamic entrepreneurs and change seekers vying for a spot at TEDMED – the premiere conference for sharing creative ideas to transform the way we think and do health.  As a 2016 TEDMED Research Scholar, I have the privilege and difficult task of helping to develop the TEDMED programming!  Super exciting opportunity!  But, as I was trying to wrap-up my usual duties from my business trip and still garner what was left of my mental acuity for the day to write a comprehensive review, I definitely had a moment of “what have I gotten myself into?”  It’s funny how quickly you begin to doubt your abilities when the mountain before you looks steeper than anything you’ve ever climbed before.  Of course that’s easy to overcome with a long prayer requesting angelic toothpicks to hold my eyes open and several bites of a blueberry muffin paired with espresso to keep me hanging on until the final click of the “Submit” button.

You can expect that when you’re in the right place at the right time for receipt of your designated assignments, you will be stretched.  It’s part of the package.  You will learn the true meaning of sacrifice and be detached from your usual patterns.  You will have to do more not just because you’ve been furnished with more, but because you’ve been given all that you need to be more.  The days will be long.  The caffeine will be in short supply (I mean unless you have 24/7 accessibility to a Keurig).  Everything inside you will want to bow out gracefully.  But, the show must go on.  And if you’re blessed to have a role, your presence is required.  In the end, what is given to you deserves your best whether it’s giving a talk, organizing an event, writing a report, or baking for the community fundraiser.  I bet you probably asked for this moment at some point after all.  So, stay up[lifted], perform well (angelic toothpicks are indeed little miracles!), and believe in the possibility of the standing ovation.  You’re only given what you have the ability to slay (you know in the 21st century pop culture kinda way)!

 

 

Monday’s Mantra: Save the Sulks

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  Even though I don’t come close to being a morning person, I do my best every day to go forth, do great, and forget about my bed that doesn’t seem to want to let me go.  My morning routine was business as usual until I realized that one of my favorite pieces of jewelry was missing!  *insert music to signal impending doom* Now, I’m very much an analytic, neat freak who makes it a point to put all of my things in the place I’ve designated as their home.  So, I knew that if one piece of the jewelry I wear just about every day was in its place, then this particular ring should’ve been there too.  That was the rationale I had declared in my mind, but of course that wasn’t reality since I found myself looking all over my room and checking purses and cracks where it couldn’t have possibly been.  I had to look anyway.

During this intense 5-10 minute searching spree, my thoughts began to shift to all things negative.  Maybe I left it at Lather where I was trying a bunch of skin care options over the weekend (btw…they have great soaps!).  Maybe it has been missing a day longer than I actually thought and I’m now noticing.  Is it in the vacuum cleaner?  Great, it fell out of my car on the ground and it’s now being kissed by oodles of rotating tires.  I think I had about 20 thoughts go by in a matter of 30 seconds, all of which were negative.  Clearly, I did not awaken with any inkling of victory.  While I was grateful to see another day, my actions embodied defeat.  I decided that wasn’t conducive to a productive week, so I took all of those thoughts captive and re-focused my energy on my devotional.  Plus, I didn’t have anymore time to look up, down, and all around my room with a full day of work ahead of me.  My devotional this morning was from Exodus 16 when God gives the children of Israel manna and quail even after their complaints about not having any food.  Yikes!  Not even a few minutes before I had started reading I was distraught and grumbling about what I had lost too.  I’m always amazed how even in this day blessings will come despite our complaints and protests.  I felt like that was the perfect message to start my week even after losing my jewelry.

As I was getting ready to leave the house, I decided to check my jewelry box one more time.  You’d never believe what I found in one of the small corners that I had looked previously even though I don’t ever put this particular ring there.  Sitting right there in that spot was…my ring!!!  *insert sigh of relief*  I had spent part of my morning being a sourpuss and yet I had overlooked what was right in front of me.  *covers face*  Ultimately, I’m glad I found my ring, but more importantly, I’m encouraged by my effort to quiet the negativity that is always more of a distraction than it is help to what’s happening in life.  Sometimes you have to redirect your energy in order to produce an optimal result.  So, whether you’ve misplaced something or you’re struggling to make it over the hump, I urge you to quiet your pessimism.  Only then will you begin to find what you’re looking for.  Solutions, and I guess rings, tend to hide in unlikely, yet promising places.