Grown Woman

Something happens when you hit 30.  It’s like you’ve spent the first two decades of your life with the lid on who you are because 1) you’re too busy trying to figure out exactly how to find yourself and 2) because planning your adventures with your friends seems more appealing than spending the night dissecting your psyche.  But, then 30 comes a’knockin’ and the lid is pulled back ever so slightly and suddenly you get a wift of wisdom and truth of where you are and who you’re shaping up to be.  Here’s what I know happens after the crossover…

You stop wasting time.  In your 20s, you think you have forever.  Why?  I can’t even begin to tell you.  Then, you realize that just like credit cards, there is a limit.  You start getting ish done so when you’re 40 you’ll look back and see your footprints.

You are okay with spending days (and nights too) alone doing absolutely nothing.  After you’ve exerted a considerable amount of energy trying to save corporate America or resolving vendor issues for your business, you really just want to sit on the couch with a glass of wine and a bowl of spaghetti (make that organic…perhaps spaghetti squash for the homemaker in you).

You tell people how you really feel, especially those you love, because your brain no longer has the space for sugar-coated and censored thoughts to reside.  IRAs, mortgages, gowns, and Gerber have now made a home there.

You stop putting up with the bull.  I think a large part of the reason why we choose to deal with drama is because we think it’s normal to take on someone else’s problems as our own.  It’s one thing to be there for someone, but it’s another thing to perpetuate lies, excuses, and immaturity because folks don’t want to deal with their stuff.  You are not a dump.  Stop taking trash.

You find out who your real friends are.  So many milestones can happen in your late 20s and early 30s, and everyone you thought would be there for the downs and even the ups will fade into black.  But, not to worry, you now know that one element to happiness is quality over quantity.  The smaller the circle, the easier it is to “live for the nights with the people you won’t forget!”  Shout out to Drizzy.

You learn how to enjoy yourself.  We are our own worst critics and rarely do we cut ourselves a break.  It’s okay to dance like no one is watching and do what YOU want to do!  You only get to do this life thing one time.  Eat the pizza.  Take the trip.  Tell him you love him.  Just be happy!

You discover your body’s fragility.  You understand that if you don’t take care of yourself physically and mentally, things will start to break and you’ll need more than an herbal detox and meditation to fix it.

You have now assessed the number of times you’ve been extended grace and you clearly see that all of life ain’t about you!  You’re the key to a blessing.  You’ve messed up (a lot!), but you’ve been cleaned up, packaged up, and set up for a larger path to greatness that others will travel.  At some point, you truly accept that God loves you enough to forgive you and He’s just waiting for you to forgive yourself.

You recognize that it’s okay to be less than impressed with yourself sometimes because let’s face it, we’re all liable to be human at some moment.  But, it’s never okay to reduce any part of your character to fit into a job, relationship, or “situationship.”  Everything and everyone is not for you, and whatever is for you, you won’t have to force.

You unearth a bit more patience for yourself and others.  You know perfection to be a lie and convenience to be a privilege.  No one is always right and sometimes you just have to wait on everything – from fast food to apologies.

As the song says, I do sit and wish I was a kid again sometimes.  And I don’t know that I truly believed people when they said your 30s will be different.  But, thankfully I survived the first year of what I hope will continue to be my most productive, stress free, and personal years of slayage.

Monday’s Mantra: Remember When

It’s amazing how quickly time passes. Can you believe we’re less than 20 days away from the 100th day of 2016!  Over the weekend, I found myself thinking about all that I’ve accomplished so far this year and the many opportunities I’ve had in my short life span. I try to make it a point to do some type of reflection on a regular basis as a way to be reminded and grateful for my blessings. I guess you can say it’s my mental exercise for cataloging my gratitude. Some people choose to make this a written exercise, which I do too.  Regardless of your preference, just the act of recalling has a way of helping you plant more seeds of confidence and expectancy for greater.

This weekend’s reflective moments brought me back to the time  I was selected to attend the first young adult conference at The Potter’s House about a year and a half ago. I was volunteering as a team leader for the young adult ministry at my church at the time and received a call from one of the ministry leaders inquiring about my interest.  The Potter’s House is the mega church in Dallas, TX led by the world renowned Bishop T.D. Jakes. Thousands of people from all walks of life attend this church every week in-person and online. Of course people have their opinions about mega churches, their pastors, clergy lifestyle, etc., but my comments on that are too lengthy for this post. But, I can say from firsthand experience that a church is only “mega” when you sit on the sidelines (again, another post for another day). Although I had heard Bishop Jakes speak on several occasions at my home church, I never thought I’d have the opportunity to hear him speak in his house. I mean Texas is cool, but I don’t get there often.

My trip to this conference turned out to be insightful, engaging, and fun! There were young adults there from countries I may not even get to in my lifetime! From a structural standpoint, the church itself was massive and indeed situated in what seems like the middle of nowhere (I wore flats just about every day)! I met a member of the Planetshakers (the Australian band most known for their song “The Anthem” – a very popular praise and worship song in churches all over the world), acquired good study material, and was able to sit in a front section seat for Sunday service. For anyone who has never attended a service at a mega church, that’s prime real estate! Now, whenever I see The Potter’s House or any of the Jakes’ family on TV programming, I think of that trip and how little ol’ me had a chance to experience all of that.  And the best part…it was at no expense to me at all.  *insert happy dance*

I can recall so many other moments in my life like this when I’ve had the ability to do things, go to places, and connect with people from other continents. It’s important that we remember where we’ve been and how we may have landed there, particularly as the young adult years begin to pass us by. We need those “remember when” moments for a few reasons: 1) for encouragement as we usher in new phases 2) as the spark that may facilitate a much needed laugh, and/or 3) perhaps as a reminder that all of us can be used to do anything. There may be things, people, and places we all want to be part of our story, but I think it’s imperative that we embrace where we’ve been in order to see the bountiful beauty in blessings big and small.

Gift Small: Businesses That Bring Me Cheer

The holidays are definitely upon us.  The fresh smell of pine and evergreen makes my soul happy!  Although I can do without the copious shopping ads I’m receiving in my inbox every hour, it’s beginning to feel and look a lot like Christmas!

Christmas to me is about honoring the birth of a Savior who is selfless, faithful, and loving even in this present day. His message encourages us all to live in a way where we can cheerfully give, uplift, and support the needs, dreams, and talents of others as best as we can.  So, in the spirit of this season, I wanted to take a moment to highlight a few small businesses created by individuals who I can personally attest are thoughtful, gifted, and inspiring.  I’ve patronized all of these businesses and believe in their vision as entrepreneurs and as givers to the communities in which they live and work.  And while I don’t think that Christmas is all about Santa, presents, and reindeer sleighs, I do think that it’s an opportunity for us to show the small business owners we know and adore that we believe in their dreams and what they have to give back to the world. Together, we can build and spread wealth to our family, neighbors, strangers, and friends.  I hope you will take some time to explore the businesses I’ve outlined below and what they have to offer. I’m proud of all of their accomplishments and look forward to what they’ll do next!

Happy Holidays to all!

Iyabo Alli, Accent Me
Iyabo is a woman of many talents and someone I have the pleasure of calling a dear friend.  Somehow between her responsibilities as an engineer, health coach, and model, she also makes customized bracelets for her jewelry business.  Each of her bracelets are unique to the individual(s) who will wear them because they are designed to represent personalities, promote unity within an organization, and/or bring awareness to a philanthropic, health, or social cause.  I have no idea how many bracelets I have accumulated at this point, but one of my favorites is pictured below with minty green beads!  To browse other designs and/or order a custom bracelet, you can like Iyabo’s Accentme Facebook page or contact her directly via e-mail.

 
Elaina & Alysia Bright, Skin Scholars
I still remember the day when Elaina & Alysia eagerly committed to this venture.  Their zest for creating pure and fun products has not wavered. As sisters who love nature and value the authenticity of ingredients in their rawest form, it’s no surprise that they have developed a skin care line made only with what your skin needs.  I’m a regular user of the The Healer Salve and the limited edition Gingerbread Body Polish.  Both of these products have helped to keep my skin supple and moisturized and are gentle enough for daily use.  There are a variety of other products to choose from that make perfect gifts for family and friends.  You can check out Skin Scholars at the Arlington Holiday Bazaar this Saturday, December 12th or order online at any time on their website or Etsy shop.

 
Kimery Williams, LeMark Photography
As an event planner and my particular love for visual curators of all kinds, I’m always scouting for uniquely skilled, personable photographers.  Taking a photo is so much more than pressing the shutter button on a camera.  To properly capture the creative and emotive essence of people and events, you must be able to genuinely connect to those from all walks of life, adapt to distinctive qualities of individuals and environments, exercise a considerable amount of patience no matter the client or situation, and quickly negotiate postures and props for a quality photo.  Kimery does all of this very well and with an exceptional level of professionalism, which I think is partially attributed to his studies and work as a soon to be criminal defense attorney.  I had the pleasure of working with him for a personal photo shoot this year that was relaxed, delightful, and even educational. It has also been exciting to see the results of his shoots with several of my other friends and colleagues. To view his portfolio and schedule a session for you or someone you love, you can visit his website.