We live in a world where we only count successes…material successes at that.  We will lie, assume fake identities, and downright ignore people in order to avoid discussing our failures.  It’s like we live to paint a picture where everything depicted is vibrant, fruitful, serene, opulent and organized because we don’t want to put our weaknesses, doubt, and fears on display.  We don’t want anyone to know about the struggle.  We just want them to see everything we achieved once we finally made it through the struggle.  But, what does that really accomplish or teach us?  There’s no real way to appreciate the victory and humility that comes with success if you never acknowledge and embrace your failures.

Failure is a necessary component of success.  You have to fall down in order to appreciate what it means to stand.  Now, I don’t believe that the level of effort you put into anything should be diminished because you’re expecting to fail.  Anything you do should be the best reflection of your gifts, skills, and work ethic no matter how small the task, and you certainly should never plan to fail.  But, you also shouldn’t be discouraged if everything doesn’t go exactly as planned.  Sometimes setbacks are set-ups for what God knows is best.  And if you know like I know, then you’ve discovered that God’s plan for your life involves a constant building and transformation of your character.  Consequently, you can’t let disappointments and failures deter you, because then you run the risk of 1.) missing out on a critical assignment that you need to complete to move to the next phase of life or 2.) lacking the traits and/or solid experience you will need to achieve a goal, manage conflict, persevere in times of trouble, or discern who and what should have a place in your life.

I often find that even though most of us say we don’t care what others think, we really do.  Humans are relational creatures.  We seek validation and acceptance from others sometimes without even knowing it.  While we shouldn’t consume ourselves trying to make everyone happy, we should always seek to surround ourselves with people who are supportive, truthful, and constructively critical (Notice I said constructive…constructive criticism doesn’t put you down. It helps you determine what you can improve).  We should be able to share our thoughts and circumstances without feeling like we’re going to be judged or ridiculed.  Anyone who genuinely cares about you and who you will become will celebrate you in your valleys and peaks of life because they know your failures don’t define everything about you.  We have to stop hiding everything that makes us who we are. We’re cheating ourselves and the people around us from what could be a valuable lesson or testimony they may need to hear to propel them in the direction of their own success.  Whether we like it or not, we are all a conduit for someone’s success.  In other words, someone is depending on your lesson for their blessing!

A failure doesn’t mean that you’re incapable or incompetent.  Your reaction to a failure just signifies the level of maturity, strength, and courage you have to keep going in spite of the original result.  God never orchestrates anything by accident and He always has the final say.  Never feel compelled to measure your success to someone else.  We’re all trying to find our way.  I challenge you (and myself) to be more concerned with ensuring that everything you do is rooted in the authority and truth of who you were created to be.  It is only then that our failures become opportunities to achieve the true merits of life.

Being uncomfortable in your own skin is the quickest way to miss everything in life that counts and not succeed at those things that make you the happiest.  It’s one thing to know who you are, but it means something completely different to be comfortable with who you are.  Every person has been uniquely engineered by God to accomplish more than what he/she could ever fathom.  However, we often don’t become all of what we’re created to be because we never took the time to appreciate who we are.  There are five specific points I try to live by so that I’m always conscious of who I am and comfortable enough with who I am to give God the room He needs to transform me into who I’m destined to become.  Maybe what helped me will help you gain a new outlook and breathe life into everything I know you want to be.

Never let someone tell you what you can’t do.  I’ve had so many people tell me I was going to fail before I even had the chance to put one foot in front of the other and actually make a move.  Don’t allow people’s negative perceptions of your abilities to pierce your dreams.  Dreams are often inspired by passion.  Your passion leads to your purpose.  Don’t miss your purpose because you were hanging onto someone’s bad perceptions.

When something just isn’t working for you, speak on it.  Unfortunately, no one in this world has jedi powers giving them the ability to read minds.  (You do know Ms. Cleo was a fake, right? She couldn’t read minds or tell you your future!)  No problem or circumstance can ever be properly resolved if it’s never acknowledged.  You are your best voice.

Use your imagination.  Our daily routines can be incredibly monotonous sometimes.  You literally have to make time to exercise your creativity and do things outside the box.  Some of the best moments I’ve had in life were a result of me putting life as I know it on pause and exploring something else the world had to offer.  Catch a sunset.  Ride a bike on a trail.  Take a pottery class.  Count shooting stars.  Learn a new language.  Re-decorate a room.  Just do something that gives you a reason to discover what you never knew you liked.

Own your mistakes, but never let them own you.  Everyone has a past.  We’ve all done things and been places that we’re not particularly proud of.  Acknowledge and accept your shortcomings and determine what you can do to avoid making the same mistake again.  You’re not perfect.  I’m not perfect.  And guess what?  That’s perfectly okay!  Mistakes are lessons.  You decide whether you want to be the teacher or the student.

Know your boundaries..all of them.  People and circumstances will drain you if you let them.  There’s nothing worse than feeling like you have nothing to give because you’ve given so much of yourself to all the wrong things or maybe just too much to even the good things.  How do I know?  Let’s just say experience is one hell of a teacher!  My food for thought: You can control your life by controlling what you allow into your life.

All of these have not only made me more aware of who I am, but they’ve helped me to love everything about who I am.  When you’re okay with you, everyone else will be too!