Monday’s Mantra: Do More Little Things

IMG_5965Two years ago, I became an independent jewelry designer for a company that’s built on doing more of what you love with the people you love.  As a charms based company, there’s an extensive selection of charms that represent family, hobbies, seasons, sports, and much more.  But, my favorite charms in the collection are the engravables, because they can be customized with dates, initials, names, and quotes.  These are particularly appealing to me, because they’ve given me the opportunity to wear my values on my wrist.  Each time I look down I can be reminded of what I believe and stand for.

My most prized engravable is my hematite geo bar that reads, “little things.”  If you’ve been following my posts over the years, you probably know that I base my life on the little things.  For me, the small gestures of kindness toward myself, my presence for the celebratory and even non-celebratory moments for loved ones and friends, and the thoughtful gifts that I curate or purchase is what brings me the most happiness.  I try to be intentional about the way I care for myself and those in my life by not being consumed with flashiness.  Instead I purposely choose to invest my time, energy, and being into what makes my soul smile.  Some days that might mean that I stand outside and listen to the whistle of the wind, go to the library to see if my knowledge of Dewey Decimal System is up to par (yes, I know what that is!), or randomly mail a card to someone letting them know I’m proud of what they’re doing.  I do this because I’ve recognized that it’s the small things that we often take for granted that bring delight to our days and a boost to who we are as human beings.  When we remove our focus from the little things it’s easier to become overwhelmed, overworked, and overly consumed by materialistic or shallow things and feelings.  That instantly robs us of the ability to appreciate our blessings and privileges.

If I could give one piece of life advice, I’d say do more of the little things.  That could come in the form of saying “no” when you know you’re not really committed, finally booking the plane ticket for the vacation you’ve never taken because you don’t want to get behind, not feeling guilty for leaving work on time so you can grab dinner with friends, devoting a portion of your day to pursuing your passions, calling the family member you haven’t heard from in a while, or eating the slice of cheesecake because you want to celebrate an accomplishment.  The truth is that all of those little things will be the peace that you’ve likely searched for in other places.  Everything we do doesn’t have to be big, bold, and witnessed by the masses.  But, everything we do should be a collective representation of every little thing that makes us stress less and cherish more of what we love while we’re here.

Monday’s Mantra: Don’t Take It Personal

I think I deserve a pat on the back for growth.  Rarely do I ever toot my own horn about anything, but nowadays I have to celebrate the fact that I’ve made some strides in a rewarding direction.  There used to be a time when I would take everything personally.  The weight of a conflict, letdown, or confrontation was a burden that I believed had everything to do with me and how I may have initiated or reacted to the disturbance.  I often proceeded to carry the blame for things that I should’ve let fall away like the leaves from a tree on a brisk autumn day (is it just me or did this season waltz in quickly like it’s ready to put on a show stopping performance?).  While I may not have held any grudges toward the parties involved, I allowed myself to be far too consumed with the ways in which things had escalated and why someone could be so discourteous with little regard for my feelings.     I think one of the reasons why I’m not too fond of merry-go-rounds is because I had one that was constantly spinning in my head.  I’d go round and round with myself only to feel irritable and drained once I decided the ride in my brain was closed for the day.

It only took a few years for me to learn that a surefire way to exhaust your peace is to walk around being angry and offended.  I’ve lived long enough to know that there will be people in life who will do and say things that will make you scratch your head or want to let out a few expletives (again, God is not finished with me yet!).  There will be words that sting and actions that hurt.  But, you can’t take it personally.  The truth is that most of the time people’s responses have nothing to do with you.  This is why you’ll find yourself in situations with people where the apology or discussion you want will never come.  You’ll be told a lie before they realize you would’ve respected them more with the truth, and you may even have to settle with being wrong when all the evidence says you’re right.  And guess what?  You can’t take it personally. People respond in life based on their individual experiences and perceptions.  Some responses will be favorable and some you’ll wish they had been counseled on before you crossed their path.  Either way it’s not something you can control since God works on all of us in different ways and at a different pace.  Why give energy to what you can’t control when it’s a battle you were never meant to fight?

I can assure you that the less you take personally, the more years you’ll add to your life.  So, stop being mad and start being mindful of what you allow to rest in your spirit.  Everything and everyone isn’t meant for you to handle.  And something tells me you weren’t meant to slay other people’s giants!

 

I Choose My Peace

garden of peaceIf I had a choice between $1 million and my peace, I’d choose my peace.  First off, $1 million isn’t a lot of money once Uncle Sam gets his cut.  Secondly, peace can stay with me for the duration of my life; if you don’t make money work for you, then eventually it runs out.  I don’t ever want to be in a place where I no longer have my peace.  That tranquility.  That stillness.  That unshakable love for who I am and where I am (and even where I’m not).  Those are all things that money can’t buy, keep you happy, or plugged into the miracles of life.  I look for peace in everything.  And with age I’ve learned how critical it is to make a concerted effort to be peace, give peace, and accept that peace isn’t always going to look like you have the upper hand.

To be peace means that you choose to approach each day with gratefulness and an expectant heart for that which is good.  Every minute of every hour is not going to be something to write home about.  The volatile details that make up our lives can be challenging, annoying, and unnerving.  But, allowing those things to alter your attitude and drain the delight from your character will not change the story.  You have to be intentional about maintaining the energy that makes you bright, bold, and bountiful in your love for the delicate tapestry of your being.

To give peace means that you choose your battles.  I can think of more than a few things and offenses in my life that didn’t warrant a response or reaction, but I gave one.  And what exactly did that do besides cause a volcanic eruption of emotions between all parties involved?  I’d venture to say…nothing.  Sometimes it’s best to let things pass right on by.  And it’s not because you don’t have valid points, but because making those points is going to infringe on the harmony you need to be a better human.  In that moment, there’s so many more things of importance.

To accept that peace isn’t going to always look like the odds are in your favor means that you understand everyone you encounter is walking a path that you don’t know much if anything about.  Living ain’t easy, and all of us govern our lives according to our personal experiences.  The fact that we process and internalize differently can sometimes lead to rifts in relationships because we all want to be understood.  But, typically no one understands why we are who we are until the dust settles.  Frankly, some people have a little more living to do before they know what it means to give peace.  You have to be attuned to the concept of loving people where they are to tap into the peace of what it means to win the war instead of exhausting all of you on the battle.  A lot about life isn’t about you, and 99% of the time people know when they’re wrong.  So, when you have to be the mirror, be patient enough for people to see their reflection.  Accept that you haven’t lost anything or been forgotten.  You’re really a lifeline for someone who probably hasn’t had the courage to divulge and embrace they’re imperfections.

A life without peace is a life without joy.  And if you don’t have joy, then you simply don’t have life.  So, as long as I’m here, I choose peace because with that there are mountains I can climb, roads I can travel, seeds I can plant, and no limit to the skies that I can touch.

 

 

Monday’s Mantra: Show Up for You!

It’s about time some of us learned how to be selfish.  I know that’s prohibited and doesn’t sound all that compassionate or “churchy,” but that’s because it’s not meant to be either one of those things.  Women, in particular, don’t spend enough time loving who they are and celebrating what they do.  Instead we’re out here stressing ourselves to the max trying to

make our homes look like something from HGTV,

cook meals to satisfy a few picky palates,

refrain from being seen as “that employee” in the board room who goes against the status quo because you have a few non-conventional ideas,

make our selfies look like we’re having the time of our lives every weekend

and find the right outfit for a date with a stranger we’ve somehow been convinced we absolutely must impress because the holidays are coming and our eggs are vanishing one by one.

Well, that’s all fine and good until you recognize that you’re doing all of that for other people, and you’re basically a non-factor in the equation.

This week I challenge you to show up for y-o-u!  It’s not a bad thing for you to want to do something for yourself…to say no because you don’t feel like it…to spend your lunch break actually taking a break…to leave people behind who choose to act oblivious of your feelings…to confront who and what is giving you pause…to believe for a dream that’s so big that you have to chuckle…to let him figure out how you manage to make dinner, monitor homework, and pack lunches simultaneously (that’s what I call bad-assery!..he has no idea)…to take yourself out for dinner and pinot because you know you’re not desperate…to go outside and let out a scream because life is hard…to get in the car and just ride with no particular destination simply because you want to enjoy the scenery…to stop apologizing for how you feel…to present your business idea to the investors…to soak up every moment for what it is and continue handling life like a boss. Every day you have to live with you.  If you don’t ever invest anything into understanding what helps you to be great, everything you do, attract, and care for will be below average.  So, yes, do for others, but do for you too!

Monday’s Mantra: Live

It has been a while since I posted a mantra for the week, but hopefully you’re following my blog and have seen some of my recent posts on my Inspire page.  No days off here. 🙂  This week my encouragement is simple:

  1. Live – let your thoughts and actions be productive and good. It’s very easy to become budsdiscouraged or feel depleted when there’s so much going on around us every day.  But, like I’ve said on several occasions before, life is really short.  Get busy doing what brings you joy, shines some light on the somber places of your soul (and maybe that of others’ too), and what makes you feel like a kid again.  Adulthood is taxing and routine.  We forget that life is meant to be enjoyed.  And although I may not know what “living” means for you, I would guess that it’s something you haven’t been doing.  Don’t let the complexities of this life keep you from drawing near to the simplicity and priceless treasure of taking in all there is to your humanness.
  2. Lead – by now, you’ve probably realized that sometimes people will disappoint you.  If it hasn’t happened yet, just keep living!  Even if it takes everything you’ve got to respond in a way that doesn’t defame them or show your disdain, take the high road.  It might not make any sense now, but I promise in the long run it pays to be the compassionate and sensible example.  You’re probably the water needed to refresh, renew, and repurpose someone who has never fully seen what leading with love looks like.  Be the fountain.  Be the spring.  Be the reason new and better buds finally blossom.

Make it a great week, friends!

 

 

Grown Woman

Something happens when you hit 30.  It’s like you’ve spent the first two decades of your life with the lid on who you are because 1) you’re too busy trying to figure out exactly how to find yourself and 2) because planning your adventures with your friends seems more appealing than spending the night dissecting your psyche.  But, then 30 comes a’knockin’ and the lid is pulled back ever so slightly and suddenly you get a wift of wisdom and truth of where you are and who you’re shaping up to be.  Here’s what I know happens after the crossover…

You stop wasting time.  In your 20s, you think you have forever.  Why?  I can’t even begin to tell you.  Then, you realize that just like credit cards, there is a limit.  You start getting ish done so when you’re 40 you’ll look back and see your footprints.

You are okay with spending days (and nights too) alone doing absolutely nothing.  After you’ve exerted a considerable amount of energy trying to save corporate America or resolving vendor issues for your business, you really just want to sit on the couch with a glass of wine and a bowl of spaghetti (make that organic…perhaps spaghetti squash for the homemaker in you).

You tell people how you really feel, especially those you love, because your brain no longer has the space for sugar-coated and censored thoughts to reside.  IRAs, mortgages, gowns, and Gerber have now made a home there.

You stop putting up with the bull.  I think a large part of the reason why we choose to deal with drama is because we think it’s normal to take on someone else’s problems as our own.  It’s one thing to be there for someone, but it’s another thing to perpetuate lies, excuses, and immaturity because folks don’t want to deal with their stuff.  You are not a dump.  Stop taking trash.

You find out who your real friends are.  So many milestones can happen in your late 20s and early 30s, and everyone you thought would be there for the downs and even the ups will fade into black.  But, not to worry, you now know that one element to happiness is quality over quantity.  The smaller the circle, the easier it is to “live for the nights with the people you won’t forget!”  Shout out to Drizzy.

You learn how to enjoy yourself.  We are our own worst critics and rarely do we cut ourselves a break.  It’s okay to dance like no one is watching and do what YOU want to do!  You only get to do this life thing one time.  Eat the pizza.  Take the trip.  Tell him you love him.  Just be happy!

You discover your body’s fragility.  You understand that if you don’t take care of yourself physically and mentally, things will start to break and you’ll need more than an herbal detox and meditation to fix it.

You have now assessed the number of times you’ve been extended grace and you clearly see that all of life ain’t about you!  You’re the key to a blessing.  You’ve messed up (a lot!), but you’ve been cleaned up, packaged up, and set up for a larger path to greatness that others will travel.  At some point, you truly accept that God loves you enough to forgive you and He’s just waiting for you to forgive yourself.

You recognize that it’s okay to be less than impressed with yourself sometimes because let’s face it, we’re all liable to be human at some moment.  But, it’s never okay to reduce any part of your character to fit into a job, relationship, or “situationship.”  Everything and everyone is not for you, and whatever is for you, you won’t have to force.

You unearth a bit more patience for yourself and others.  You know perfection to be a lie and convenience to be a privilege.  No one is always right and sometimes you just have to wait on everything – from fast food to apologies.

As the song says, I do sit and wish I was a kid again sometimes.  And I don’t know that I truly believed people when they said your 30s will be different.  But, thankfully I survived the first year of what I hope will continue to be my most productive, stress free, and personal years of slayage.

Change the Game

I’m always amazed when I’m sitting somewhere alone minding my business and I have an epiphany about the significance of relationships.  It’s true that not everyone you encounter along your journey will be there until the end, but do know that every person is playing a role in who you will become.  My most recent aha moment related to a relationship came as I was traveling across the country on another work assignment.  I find that God likes to speak to me on airplanes.  He clearly knows I have nowhere to go except to the front or back of the aircraft to the closet-sized restroom.  So, while He has me on the Boeing, our connection is flowing! *sometimes I rhyme, lol*

I decided to take advantage of the in-flight entertainment and came across an all-star interview with Kobe Bryant.  Now, I’ve never been too much of a sports enthusiast, but basketball and all its details is the one sport that intrigues me and gets me off the couch yelling incessantly at the screen.  Because they can hear me, right?  Ahmad Rashad went through the interview with the Lakers superstar asking him questions about the highs and lows of his career, his love for the game, and how he leveraged the differences in his personality and his teammates to lead them to championships.  Toward the end of the interview, Kobe explained that one of the things that helped him to be a good leader is to be okay with being uncomfortable about his teammates not seeing the best in themselves but still pushing them anyway.  He further explained that if you’re not okay with being uncomfortable, then you’ll go up against a team with a leader who is, and you’ll lose.  In that instant, it clicked.  I think I rewinded that clip at least twice to hear him say that again.

I realized in that moment that was the one thing a close friend and once upon a time sweetheart had been trying to get through to me during all the time we shared life together.  I can’t recall how many times I would mope, vent, and complain to him about how I felt like no one ever listened to me, how I felt alone, how it seemed like my friendships were fading, or how sometimes I just didn’t feel like being the one to initiate, organize, and push the envelope.  And every time without fail he would give me a kind, witty, and stern response that would leave me feeling like it was okay to feel that way, but I’ve been entrusted with certain characteristics to go the extra mile and get out in front because I was born to lead.  It almost seemed as though he was asking me if I was going to take the torch or let opportunities burn because the people I wanted to believe just weren’t getting it and/or what I had to say was the least of their concerns.  Talk about frustrating.

A 10-second perspective in this 48-minute video connected all the dots for me about this part of our relationship and further made me realize how God can use people to teach us about our individual characteristics.  I’m sure he wouldn’t be excited to know that there were times when he was engrossed in one of his tough talks with me, that I let it go in one ear and out the other.  Sorry!  But, I get it.  And I’m grateful for the confirmation not only about the intricacies of leadership and what it means for those who God will place in my care to be there for me in that capacity, but more importantly who He places in my path to embrace who I am, what I have to offer, and how I’m meant to change the game just as the seasoned and developing basketball superstars have done one play at a time.