Physically Fit…Exercise Not Included.

It never fails. I’m headed into the office, and I have this moment of energetic glee as I begin thinking of what I’ll accomplish for the day. It’s typically a combination of work and personal projects, because I like a good balance. Most recently, I’ve found myself on the bus when this happens while taking in the lyrics of my R&B, gospel, or ratchet tunes (because we all know it can vary). I get incredibly excited about the goodness that will come from the productive use of brainpower on the horizon. I’m trying to discern whether this sudden elation is the result of the perfectly ground coffee beans in my purple travel mug or if I really love doing work. I may or may not be easily convinced that it’s the coffee since it does make me happy. But, for the purposes of you reading this, we’ll go with the work!

As I was pondering about this odd yet joyful experience, it occurred to me that by the time I get to my office, that impromptu spark of enthusiasm to do work has a tendency to fade. Somewhere between the bus depot and the always lit Chinatown, that cheerful feeling about the day’s forthcoming success is commandeered by some unknown force that doesn’t want me to be great. As the analytical overthinker that I am, I took my morning mental acrobatics a step further to try to figure out why.

My office isn’t a place that I dislike. The people that I work with to support our mission and constituents are the reason I get out of bed and embark on the sometimes adventurous commute. I consider myself blessed to be a part of the fabric of a mission-oriented organization. I do what I do in medicine and public health because I believe in the power of potential and the necessary exposure to the possibilities for young people everywhere. But, then it hit me…the incredibly basic aha moment about my struggle to maintain merry momentum. It’s about as basic as Rice Crispies with no sugar. It’s summed up in two words…physical environment!

I’ve always been aware of my preferred working style and motivational requirements, but I’ve become more cognizant about the effects of the space around me and what I need to maintain my coffee-infused happiness without the extra cups. Here’s what I’ve recognized and how I’ve made small changes to reclaim and extend my workday thrill:

  • No matter how many bells and whistles are put in an office building, it’s still a building. This means most things look identical and 95% of the walls around you are white.
    • So, what did I do? I became a plant mom! Seeing green things around me makes me feel alive. I also feel like a superb human because I’m able to keep temperamental species thriving in a stoic environment. I have several plants, but there’s a particular one on my desk that sleeps at night and looks like it’s waving at me every morning since the leaves expand. It’s the wildest sight, but it always amazes me! Have a look!Happy morning!
  • One of the best office perks is human interaction. Some might disagree with that, and I totally understand as I’m 97% introvert and love quiet. But, the other 3% must be devoted to the relationship management that’s necessary for my recurring paycheck. Yes, money matters! Occasionally, we all want someone to talk to, and being around colleagues is a good remedy. However, somewhere along the way someone decided that an open office environment was a grand idea, and it has now taken over industries and partially ruined lives (or maybe just mine…shrug).
    • So, what did I do? I invested in noise cancelling headphones. Here’s a trick…you don’t even have to turn them on to block out chatting, coughing, chewing, and anything else that keeps you from focusing. Bose, take all my money or else I might not make it! Of course there’s also alternative work schedules, telecommuting, mobile workstations, etc. to assist with this environmental challenge, but dare I say that sometimes I do want to be around other humans. I just do better when I have the option to control my desire for interacting.
  • I’m generally an organized person, which is evident in my desk organization. Clutter makes you crazy and thwarts effective decision-making. There’s nothing more distracting than an abundance of papers, doodads, spills, and useless folders from prior meetings and engagements.
    • So, what did I do to further my need for order? I acquired a label maker and disinfecting wipes. My colleagues think I’m ridiculous. What they won’t tell you is that my neat habits are slowly rubbing off and they’ve stopped collecting items they don’t need, hoarding papers as if they’ll ever look back at them, and going the entire season without at least trying to attack the germs that frequently lurk in offices and even more in an open office environment. No clean shame here!
  • I’ve always had a “one box” office rule. It means that I arrive at a new workplace with one box, and I depart with one box when it’s time to move on. The contents of this box are meaningful photos, postcard art, decorative office supplies, and a few awards. I know we’re moving toward mobile friendly environments, but I produce better work products when I have the smiling faces of my god kids and grandparents looking back at me throughout the day.
    • So, what did I do? I displayed mementos in prominent places on my desk. These often represent the many facets of our lives. Being surrounded by the people, places, and things that remind you of good times keep you motivated. Most importantly, it’s a constant reminder to save your leave for quarterly vacations. I love a good two for one!

I have noticed a little more pep in my step since being intentional about improving the physical space I inhabit for the bulk of my day. I can’t promise that this is a one size fit all solution to your office woes. But, if you can do anything to adjust the space where you devote your time, energy, and presence each day, you might find that your sparkle expands into a blissful burst of impact in your work, life, and community that doesn’t ride to the next bus or train stop without you. You make space for your happy when you’re performing in a space that fits your happy!

 

We’re All Jacked Up!

I believe that much of the dysfunction that pervades our lives is a result of lies that have been perpetuated by society for untold amounts of time.  As an overly introspective person, I tend to keep most of my thoughts and perspectives to myself.  And besides, everything doesn’t deserve a place on the Internet. *shrug* However, several observations over the last few months have ignited a small fire in my soul thus moving me to speak on something I deem as pure shenanigans!  I’m almost mad at myself for accepting this as truth.

How many times have you heard someone say that you shouldn’t look to someone else to validate you? It’s a commonly shared piece of advice in personal and professional discussions.  I do agree with at least three tenets of that argument – 1) your happiness is your choice 2) sometimes you must encourage yourself and 3) you must recognize your worth before expecting someone else to.  But, there are also some gaps in this perspective that I think have been lost in translation and hampered our ability to build and contribute to effective, meaningful relationships.  Here’s why –

In some (not all) cases, we typically desire validation from the people we care about.  Does that mean that we’re obligated to agree on everything or that it’s okay to base decisions on what others think?  No.  But, in a relationship that’s built on authenticity, we can show up authentically and should have the expectation (yes, we should!) that we’re being heard.  BREAKING NEWS: people don’t always seek validation because they’re lacking self-worth.  They’re likely pursuing the intimacy that comes with understanding and presence.  Translation: I’m human, and I want to be accepted. That’s a post for another day though.

Secondly, we might need to reevaluate someone’s place in our life if we don’t have any evidence to show that this person is supportive.  What kind of ideals are we propagating for future generations if we’re teaching them that it’s okay to not desire subtle or even sometimes bold affirmation by other humans?  I think this can come in different forms, but it’s important that we leave ourselves room to tell people through words and actions that we value their existence, that they did a good job, that their small steps toward a big goal are monumental, and that it’s okay to express our feelings and sit with them for a while with the people we trust.  By doing this, we are communicating that we are available and we value the opportunity for this exchange.  Translation: I am present for you, and it’s okay to be vulnerable.

The point is that we all need each other.  And I believe it is our responsibility to validate each other if we want to be the best versions of ourselves.  I’m tired of us pretending like we don’t have emotions and rationalizing that we’re less than great if we seek to be understood or want to be recognized.  I get that there are levels to this, and I’m only hitting the surface.  Hell, I can even admit that I don’t appropriately validate others the majority of the time.  I see posting this as a step in the right direction to undo how I’ve chosen to interact in my own relationships.

We’re killing ourselves by ignoring our emotions and legitimate desire to be connected.  Instead of operating in a place of aversion and silence by choosing not to expect validation by others, I propose that we all demand it.  Perhaps then we wouldn’t continue living as though it’s every woman or man for her/himself out here in this lukewarm world.  We may come in and go out of this life alone, but we don’t make it through without someone else acknowledging that they see us.

Birthday rEVOLution

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I’m a little over two weeks into what many presume is my “Jesus Year.”  While I had never heard of this reference during any of my previous decades on Mother Earth until recently, I did some perusing of online sources to understand the significance.  In short, I learned that this is the year when I’m supposed to get serious about life and perhaps experience a spiritual awakening.  The connection to Jesus is centered around his age at the time of his crucifixion and ultimately resurrection at what’s believed to have been 33 years old.  Now, I could’ve found myself crawling down a hole of additional searches and historical fact checking, but instead I’ve elected to ascribe this reference to our propensity as humans to look for associations and links to everything in order to find meaning.  It’s just what we do, and I don’t see it as good or bad.  I guess it also further proves that I am much farther removed from the Internet than I thought.  *shrug*  But, as I think about how another year of life has shaped up for me, I can honestly say that I’m proud.  I’ve done much more before 33 than my family probably could’ve imagined.  And I’ve definitely had to ascend a few mountains along the way that increased my capacity to breathe, endure, and hold on in what often seemed like an interminable cycle.  None of that happens without a progression in maturity, faith, and a comeback!

In today’s age, life can feel so rushed and/or it never seems like you’re doing enough in any aspect.  It probably doesn’t help that it has become incredibly easy to hop on the comparison train when our technological capabilities have propelled us into a new era of communication.  I will not claim to have figured it all out and done anything perfectly.  But, for every opened door and nudge to leap, I know that I’ve done A LOT that has given my life new meaning and certainly required that I step into the challenges of adulthood long before adding the 33rd candle to the cupcakes.

Even though this birthday is now in my rear view, I celebrate every time I had to redefine my attitude, perspective, and plans to become more in tune with myself and acknowledge my need for God.  I know that in this year and in those to come, there will be more transitions.  My hope is that I will continue to grow through this life with love for myself and the uniqueness of my being for the good of the world we all share.  So, here’s to me continuing my revolution!

Mental Mazes

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As an accumulator of words, I tend to randomly record my thoughts as I’m moving about and navigating the labyrinth that is the DMV commute.  Oddly enough, these colloquies that I have with myself in my head and then jot down in a frenzy to avoid forgetting and to clear some space for more mental capital, will often surface in one of my online repositories at what seems like a very relevant point in time.  The story you will read below is an example of one of those moments when the discovery of things I’ve written on the go and the context of a personal experience align and seem appropriate to share.  And although this is something that occurred several months ago, it’s still so relevant in light of our current state of affairs surrounding mental health and wholeness.

I saw something on the train this morning that found a cozy seat in my mind for the remainder of the day. As we whizzed past the trees and buildings and I attempted to focus on my morning ritual of reading, I happened to glance up and noticed another young woman reading too.  Ok, what’s so surprising about that?  Well, she had her e-reader open that was shielding what she was actually reading – a book on depressive illness.  I can still see that title in big, blue text with the image of a person holding the world on her back.  And in that moment, my world literally stopped because I had so many thoughts swirling.  First off, this was the same woman whose curls I had just finished admiring as we climbed the escalator.  The curls were poppin’!  I remember saying to myself, “I wish my curls were that cute!  Go girl!”  But, then I started feeling sad and wondering why such a young, beautiful, and Black woman was trying to hide from a train full of strangers that she was reading a book about depression.  Now, she could’ve easily been reading it for a class, to help a loved one, or for her professional development.  I shall never know.  But, I do know that it troubled me that she didn’t feel like she could be free.  And then, it was like wow, how many of us are riding into the city every day to do work that we like but aren’t passionate about while also trying to juggle emotional scars, financial woes, racism, and/or relational drama?  Or how many of us don’t feel like we quite fit where we thought we would?

Those are heavy questions that are coupled with elaborate situations and complex answers.  But, no one should ever feel as though they have to carry it all alone.  The load is always lighter when there’s help.  I hope that one day we can all experience the freedom of riding through this life with genuine company and some consolation that we are not our insecurities or fears, or the misrepresented labels that others have deemed appropriate for characterizing our being.  My hope is that we also figure out how we can freely rise to…reach out to those around us and reach deep within ourselves to embrace our individuality.

We’re All Crazy!

So, let me telIMG_5481l y’all about this thing called love!  It’s big.  It’s scary.  It’s hard.  It’s exciting.  It’s work.  It’s fun.  It’s forgiving.  It’s work.  It’s passionate.  It’s breathtaking.  It’s kind.  And it’s work.  Did you get that?  It’s work!  I think somewhere between a Disney princess story and ratchet reality TV, we’ve embraced an illusion that love is flowers, hearts, name brands, and shiny karats.  But, if you’ve ever loved another human being with your whole heart, then you know it’s so much more to it than that.  In no way am I suggesting that love doesn’t feel like sunshiny days.  It does.  And it can certainly produce those butterfly feelings.  However, it’s not perfect either.  And it’s what?  Work!

I’m sure most of us have learned by now that humans are very special creatures.  We’re beautiful, but we’re annoying.  We’re kind, but we’re stubborn.  We’re compromising, but we’re selfish.  Basically, we’re all made up of a hell of a lot of contradictions, and that’s why loving each other is hard and somehow in an oddly glamourous way also rewarding.  While I’ve yet to understand the complexity and rationale of such a formula, I know that embracing the crazy and unlovable parts of one another is what makes love worthwhile.  Because there are going to come times when romance is the center of your desires for the one you love, and then also times when you want to poke your eyes out because this same person has gotten on what you thought was your last nerve!  Like can someone pass me a mountain so I can stand on top of it and scream?  Woosah.  Yet and still you’d rather have them on the mountain next to you so you don’t have to camp out alone under the pitch-black sky.

There will also be times when your love shows up in sacrifice.  You’ll watch his favorite sarcastic comedy, wake up early to iron her shirt, double back to the store because you know he ran out of something, eat enchiladas instead of pizza because she loves Mexican, or take a personal day to make him endless cups of tea until he feels better.  None of this will ever be about you not being true to yourself or doing things you really don’t want to do.  Let’s face it…if you didn’t want to do it, you wouldn’t.  It will simply be a small gesture of adoration to say, hey, I see you and in this moment you are greater.  Because when you’re comfortable in your own skin and love wholeheartedly, putting someone else before you isn’t a sign of weakness or diminishing of self – it’s a demonstration of humility.

Love is an exquisite form of actively showing, giving, and committing yourself to being the best friend, supporter, and partner you can be.  It’s looking at his flaws and still saying, yup, he’s the one.  It’s declaring that no matter how she sees herself today, you’ll still think she’s worth it tomorrow.  It’s reveling in that state of human contradiction with someone you thought you could live without, but now recognize you’re stronger when you’re together.  Love is probably going to be your toughest challenge and your best example of meaningful work.  You won’t be able to sit idly by and hope it all comes together.  With that posture, it won’t.  There are requirements, and one of them is you.  That’s part of the reason why “love” is my word of the year, because I want to give more love, receive more love, and watch love manifest into my wildest dreams.  So, yes, live in the fairytale and keep chivalry alive, but when the pixie and chariot dust settles, be about the work!  Only then will you benefit from love’s magic.

P.S. These words are a representation of my perspective and experiences.  I am not and likely will never be a professional love doctor.  I’m out here every day trying to balance love with logic and emotion with reality.  #thatisall

All the Places a Plane Goes

Last year, I crisscrossed the United States more than a few times and traveled overseas.  As my Nana would affectionately say, “Girl, you have a lot of miles on your butt!”  Much of my travel is attributed to my professional life, but whether I’m learning about new innovations at medical schools or enjoying time off, I look for the small beauties in new places and things.  That can be anything from –

  • Exotic tree branches or flowers that collectively produce fragrant winds or shade under the California sun;
  • The fullness of the trees along the perimeter of Olympic Park in Georgia;
  • The perfectly aligned bales of hay along the South Dakotan flatlands;
  • The trio of sail boats slowly cruising along the river in Wisconsin;
  • The presence of the sun’s shadow as it radiates among Nevada’s popular skyscraper hotels;
  • The sensory jolt from the Cajun spice, vibrant jazz tunes, and boisterous locals in Louisiana; or
  • The smell of bread and pastry dough from Parisian or Italian cafes along narrow cobblestone streets.

I have definitely been fortunate in my ability to move about the world and explore the definition of life through someone else’s eyes.  In each of these places, I’ve met enthused, indifferent, lively, subdued, and impolite people.  All with a story (perhaps some far too long for my typical abbreviated Uber rides).  All with a perspective.  And all with a personal connection to the geographic location in which I managed to temporarily house my suitcase and carefully organized work binder and fact books.  But, what I take away from all of my recent travels is the greatness of creation – of things to look at, paths to trek, and conversations with other beings.  Because life is not about the number of places you can say that you’ve been but the quality of the connections you make to your surroundings.  Hats off to a great year of discovery…and food!  Phenomenal food!

This is 32.

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I’ve always been tickled and slightly perplexed by the fact that once you surpass 25, the years seem to go by faster!  You blink and literally 10 years are on the books and you’re sitting there trying to figure out what happened on all of those days in between!  I mean if I can be honest, Jeopardy, Sudoku, and Lumosity are a large part of the reason my memory is still somewhat sharp!  However, I’m fortunate in that I can look back on even the last year and be mesmerized by the experiences that have cheered me on, made me cry, accelerated my thinking, granted new opportunities, and doubled my sky miles.  There were times when I knew undoubtedly that the only reason why all of my being hadn’t fallen into a sea of despondence was because of grace.  I learned how to receive the gift that it is, but more importantly, how to give it when every part of me just wanted to step aside from the palm trees so I could throw some real shade! There were also moments when I’d be in a room full of highly accomplished and financially prosperous people wondering how in the world is there a seat at this table with a perfectly placed name tent in Arial font for ME.  Who am I?!  You should know that imposter syndrome is a real thing, and it can zap every bit of your happiness about any of what you’ve done that you personally deem successful.  And as a Black woman, it’s heavier than any words I could ever formulate into a sentence.

What you’ll likely discover is that one of the best things about life is that so much of it is bigger than you.  With everything happening all at once, it’s easy to be overwhelmed, lonely, and feel like you’re living in the twilight zone.  But, somehow the universe has a way of helping you to balance the scales and continue to move full throttle toward another day.  So, on this birthday, I celebrate the topple and the ascent of who I am as a growing adult and complex human being.  While the voyage to whatever adulthood really is can be volatile, I know that it will continue to be one that I pursue with confidence, peace, and that extra dash of splendor as a woman who is proud to be bold, Black, and excelling under the mantle of the Highest angel.

This is 32.